Parents.

Parents. They make you, raise you, praise you and then amaze you - and I don't mean amaze in a good, 'you guys are so cool' way. Take my mum for example, she says there is nothing more important to her than me doing well in life and being happy, although that doesn't mean that she doesn't still feel the need to moan, complain and well, PMO ('Piss me off' incase you were wondering) Today, she moans about the state of my room - and yesterday, and the day before for that matter.

'TIDY YOUR ROOM!' 


'It's a pig sty! I have someone coming round later.' Now mum, I'm pretty sure that your 30 or 40-something friend has no intention of walking through the front door, charging up the stairs, and going straight up to my room to inspect - and if anyone does go snooping around my room and through my stuff, you should probably consider not befriending them anymore, erm hello perv? But no, this response doesn't register in the absurd brain of mum. Also, I hate how having an untidy room leads on to an infinte lecture on a bunch of other stuff she feels she needs to get off of her chest. You could have washed those dishes, you could've tidied the living room a bit - erm, 'losing signal, bye mum by-b' Mother's always feel the need to reassure us that they 'don't like moaning at you', bullshit. Mums love a moan. FACT.

'FOR FAKE SAKE!'


Another thing that does my absolute brain in with parents, particularly mums is fakeness. Now, I love my mother (surprising given this blog) but I really do, but she can be one fake ass bitch. When she speaks to other people she sounds like she could be Jesus' sister. She's sweet, polite, funny, and that wine you accidentally spilt on the carpet doesn't bother her in the slightest but underneath that halo, I can see those horns. What she really wants to say is 'you stupid bitch, why don't you watch what you're doing!? I only got this carpet cleaned last week!' and believe me she wouldn't hesitate to give me that response and I'm her daughter, her flesh and her blood (gruesome thought). Why is it that the people we really care about are the ones we talk to with the least courtesy? Just doesn't make sense. And i'd be a hypocrite if I said I wasn't the same. Odd that.

'OH, AND DADS!'


Now, I was born into a complicated family. My step-dad has been my step-dad for the last 17 of my 19 years of living (and if you're wondering, yes I still regularly speak to and see my 'dad dad') but for arguments sake I'll refer to my step-dad as my 'dad' in this case as he's the one that I live with. So, one day mum has decided that her target is dad - Hallelujah for me, not so much for dad. Dad hasn't done what he was supposed to do, whatever it is. So mum tells dad off. Blah blah. Anyway, dads always like to vent out their frustration on you don't they!? 'Gosh, your mother is doing my head in. That woman is crazy.' And then you finally think yes! It's not just me! I'm not crazy, mum really is a ward escapee hurrah! And you agree with dad and make him feel better BUT, when mum's back on form lashing out at you because of that thing you didn't do that mums just decided she needed doing, where the hell is your wingman? Dad? There is silence. 'Listen to your mother.' Ooh that traitor. This shouldn't be how it works. The system is corruption, total corruption. Whilst you're out being a warrior, fighting for justice, dad is under mother's thumb. Tight.

Obviously, I'd like to set the record straight I do love my parents very much. And my mum is ,most of the time, quite a nice lady but well to put it politely, she got on my absolute tits this morning and I therefore felt the need to vent out at somebody and whoever is reading this sadly that was you.

N.b. All villains are highlighted in red.